Friday, June 25, 2004

Gratuitous locker room nudity is not needed

Okay, so let me explain this. I am in my companies gym changing into my gym clothes. There is a row of lockers and a mirror so that you can kind of see the two rows adjacent to you. So I am doing my own thing and changing when out of the corner of my eye, I see flesh, a lot of it, man flesh at that (cause I'm in the men's locker room).

I'm in a locker room right? This is fine. But I am a slow changer and its my first time in the gym so I am getting my keys tucked away, and my wallet ensuring they are locked up. Then I start changing. I go from jeans to workoutpants in about 10 seconds. Then out of the corner of my eye I am still seeing the man flesh. What the fuck? Is this needed. This guy had stripped down to his bare ass with just a shirt on and for the next three minutes is doing all of his organizing (keys, wallet, shoes, etc.).

Does this strike anyone else as odd. Although it is perfectly okay to be nude in a locker room, there is no reason to flaunt/show off your wares. Take off your underwear/boxers, put the next pair on and then do whatever else you have to do. Don't take off your pants, let it hang out and flop around the locker room like its your own living room, wait five minutes and then put your "workout" pair of underwear on.

Sunday, June 20, 2004

Chronicles of Shittick ...

In a nutshell this movie sucks major ass. As eloquent as that may sound, let me elaborate a bit. Pitch Black was a good, suspenseful, horror-action movie. It kept you on your toes a little bit and provided some good scenes and pacing. There was some cheesy dialog and what not, but it knew what genre it was in. Due to its somewhat successful run at the BO and Vin Diesel's *rising* star power, it was inevitable that a sequel would be made.

Enter the Chronicles of Riddick. The basic premise is that Riddick is the lone force that can stop the Necromongers, a people (humans) who worship the underverse. They basically travel around the universe (not to be confused with underverse) subverting or destroying all life. They replenish their lost soldiers and move on to the next planet. For some reason, and I will not give it away, yet, Riddick is the only thing between the head Necromonger and the taking over of "Helion Prime (IV I think, but it doesn't matter).

Firstly, what the fuck, the underverse, Necromongers ... of all the places they could have gone with this material they go for this fanatical religious cult (a large one at that) that eradicates entire planets with these phallic obelisks that wipeout whole continents. And by some tiny plot measure, Riddick, who is a Furian (Furyian?), is the roadblock to their success.

Okay, okay, lets go with the flow here and agree that this premise could possibly have some sort of promise. Classic one man versus everyone else scenario. So we should have so good action scenes. Because really all I wanted to see from this movie was some senseless action.

Instead we have a series of choppy, strobe light effect action sequences. Instead of seeing this movie, this is what you do. Go into a mirrored room with a friend, each with boxing gloves, setup a strobe light, close the door, take some speed, and start beating the shit out of each other. You won't be able to see shit, just pulses of light and a fist or a face here and there. For a more grand effect set up two strobe lights at different intervals. I was honestly appalled (as appalled as one can get from not seeing the action sequences they would like) at the quality here people. I would say go and see for yourself, but that is what I am trying to not get you to do. My friend who went with me summed it up succintly, "Sometimes the action scenes hurt my eyes so I just closed them."

So besides the action scenes of this sci-fi action movie sucking ass, what else was bad. Well the CG of the planetscapes was pretty horrible. The opening fly-in on one of the Helion Prime planets is no better than a videogame. Speaking of the videogame; that is actually supposed to be quite good. The premise of the game, from the title alone, seems to fit the character of Riddick well; a stealthy killer who can use his surroundings to his disposal, whether it be weapons or whatever else he can manage to find. Instead moviegoers are left with Riddick, defender of the universe.

The ending promises us many more, or at least one more installment to this series. I will not give it away, but one could say it is the lone bright part of the movie because it is actually pretty smart compared to the rest of the movie and comes out of nowhere. In retrospect one could figure it out beforehand through some cryptic dialog between the eye-candy of the film and her partner, but really, you will not care: by the time ending comes around you will either be closing your eyes or falling asleep (like me).

1 of 5 stars.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Burning drums, ramrods and more ...

Been meaning to write a whole bunch of stuff down. First off a congrats to my brother for graduating high school. Although it was not much fun for him (the school part) he pulled through and is done. Finito. I'll try to get a shot of him in is gown up here so you all have the proof.

Did a lot of drinking this weekend, mainly because that is what happens on the weekend when the number of close friends that are actually living in the town you grew up in almost doubles for a night.

First up was George. He came in to do some airshow in ?San Carlos? Anyhow met up with Isaac and him at Salute. After having a drink there we made the trek over to the Broken Drum. We sit down, order a pitcher of IPA and start bullshitting like we always do. There is a buy your friend a drink board there and someone had bought someone a Keg.

So I am wondering how much a keg costs and I ask the bartender. She rattles off some number off the top of her head and then goes to get me the keg list. She walks over to the register area and comes back exclaiming about how the keg list was burned when there was a fire over a week back. Then she sniffs the air a few times, and says, "Can't you guys smell that, its like burnt rubber." To which my eloquent Naval Aviator George replies, "I live in a shithole, this smells great." ... Now it wasn't quite exactly what he said (although if you were there you would have been crying your eyes out from laughter like me and Isaac), but the way he said it. It was so matter of fact. At first I thought maybe this was how George flirts, but then I realized this was not flirting, it was what it was. I could go on about this, but I will not: suffice to say that the mind will come up with some strange shit after a few drinks.

Fast forward a few days, in-between of which I saw Harry Potter which I will have a full fledged review for (or maybe just a mini one). Very enjoyable movie. Monday night I spent the latter half of the evening at Moylan's drinking a pint or two with Jason, Kristen, Dan, Isaac and my other half, Laura. Don't really know how to transition into saying this but -- "Ramrods" ... who really knows what that means. We had a semi-philosophical discussion about Ramrods and the act of Ramrodding ... yes you can see where this is going. You have been warned.

In the midst of it all Jason decides that Ramrods are "prosthetic boners" ... hmmm hopefully i remember that correctly. If that isn't what he said then that must be what I subconsciously think ramrods are. Anyway, if you and your friends have never gone into an indepth discussion about what ramrodding could possibly be, then I suggest you start one.

At this point the conversation dove-tailed into some RealSex show on HBO where this woman was doing her husband in the ass with a "ramrod" while she had a butt plug in her ass with feathers on it.

On that note, Happy Wednesday...

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Shrek 2 Reviewed

That wily johnny over at Random Thoughts has deemed me evil and changed my picture accordingly:

Here is an excerpt from that encounter ...

6/9/2004 11:00:41 AM Matt Stein John search steinsspot on google and you get everything, that is to be expected though
6/9/2004 11:01:02 AM John Matt Stein yes, google, knower of all that is good and....
6/9/2004 11:01:03 AM John Matt Stein evil
6/9/2004 11:01:25 AM Matt Stein John so you are saying I am evil
6/9/2004 11:01:37 AM John Matt Stein I could put up that evil looking picture of you
6/9/2004 11:01:48 AM John Matt Stein you know, the one with your face behind the martini glass
6/9/2004 11:02:01 AM Matt Stein John do it do it
6/9/2004 11:02:01 AM John Matt Stein then what would all the netizens think of you?

Anyhow so Shrek 2. In a nutshell go see it. I found that with both Shrek movies, the beginning of the movie has been better. Before the actual story gets going there are more small, funny tidbits to watch and react to.

So whats good about the movie: the animation, I do not think it is as top notch as Finding Nemo; something about the water in that movie blew me away, but the features and facial expressions on the humans are very nice. Much more liveliness and emotion is being presented. And secondary humans are more lifelike than in the first movie. This is to be expected however with increases in technology ... more of an evolution than a revolution in CG animation ... still good however.

Puss an' Boots and Donkey are hilarious. Especially the former. Well maybe I shouln't say that, as I remember chuckling a lot at things that Donkey said. What is very refreshing in this movie is the level of humor, its very adult and mature. Kids will love this movie because of the characters and the antics, but grown-ups will also and find joy in seeing this because of the subject matter. I cannot think of any off of the top of my head but there were many references to everyday cliche's and current events. (The Prince and his baywatch hair shake just come to mind -- although compared to some of the others that is not nearly as funny).

Strange though, after seeing the movie just the other day I can barely remember any *favorite* scenes or spectaculary funny moments. We will have to wait and see how Incredibles stacks up this fall to really see how good Shrek 2 is and what the ever changing bar for animated films becomes. Still though, go see Shrek 2, laugh at Puss an' Boots and Donkey, snicker at the small satirizations (is that a word) of modern day society, and relax for an hour and half.

.5 of

Monday, June 07, 2004


So last week my friend changed my profile image for this blog. It really gives the impression that I am obsessed with Martini's... just look at my smile and that crazed look in my eye. Well at the time, I probably was. Anyway, you may ask how he could do such a thing. He hosts the images for my blog so he can change them at his will.

Little bastard.

Anyhow ... the weekend was quite relaxing. Tried to see "Harry Potter 3" on Friday night but it was sold out to my dismay. I do have two movie reviews coming up though. "Shrek 2" which I saw before Memorial Day and "Day After Tomorrow", which I 'begged' a friend to come and see with me last night.

I did not really beg, but my girlfriend did not want to go, citing that both Harry Potter and Day After Tomorrow are two movies she does not care to see, which is cool, I'm a movie nut and have to see them all. Anyhow me and Mr. Noh saw Roland Emmerich's latest and all in all is was pretty good. More details on that and Shrek 2 later.

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